A few days ago, Fighter turned two.

This year I decided not to throw him a party because… next year onwards he’ll be begging for birthday parties every year.  So this year is a gap year hahahaha.  He doesn’t really have any friends to invite yet, the people he loves the most are just us, and his grandparents.  Plus according to him, the best part of a birthday is the birthday song and blowing candles which can be done anywhere.

So this year we just celebrated at home with family.  I wasn’t kidding when I said his favorite bit is the birthday song with candles and cake so we did that a few times wtf.  (for months leading up to his birthday he already kept asking us to sing him the song and he’d clap and then pretend to blow candles WTF can say he got a lot of practice already lo hahaahah)

Ordered cupcakes to bring to school so he could celebrate with his little classmates!  Got these from DKBakes (@DKbakes89 on Instagram).  Chose three flavors – salted caramel, red velvet and Milo.  Also picked a Cookie Monster and Elmo theme cos he loves these two characters (also Hello Kitty wtf).

Super blur dunno what to do with it lidat hahahaha.  At home he’s damn enthusiastic about it but suddenly turned shy in school when everyone was singing for him.

Asked him to blow the candle but his breath wasn’t really reaching it.  So I picked him up to get nearer to blow.  Still couldn’t extinguish the flame and complained, “hot hot” hahahaha so end up I had to blow the candle for him. -_-

Scarfing cupcakes…

Also had another school romance WTF.  Suddenly super hiao that day… when teacher was showing how to do the artwork that day, he went and put his head on this little girl’s shoulder and lap WTF.

Then she also reciprocate hahahaahha.   Super adorable la and she’s also very very cute hahahaah.

We were in Penang last week so we decided to celebrate again with his grandparents.  Grandma Tiah went out and got him this layer cake.  Hahahaha looks like super no effort put in, but Fighter will never finish the cake anyway, and this layer cake is supposedly very good!

Family photo! With no kids looking at the camera what’s new. Also took him out for a stroll in the mall.  He fell in love with this minion backpack when we were in Toysrus so we decided to buy it for him, it being his birthday week and all.

He calls it his nana wtf.  I guess to him, minion = banana. Hahahaha close enough. Then he discovered a whole treasure area of these car rides.  He’s obsessed with cars so this was heaven for him.  A very good birthday activity ah!  Some more he’s scared of these when they move and only wants to sit in them when they’re unmoving wtf.  Very good ah, he’s happy and I get to save money lolol.

Oh sorry digression but check out me and Penny’s matching outfits!!!  Ok fine I purposely went to hunt for a banana top for Penny hahaha. And she had this denim bloomers which coincidentally matched my denim skirt too.

One more picture of this little queen.

And then we also took them swimming!  Pretty sure Fighter was on cloud 9 – got cars and  cake and swimming all in one day. Hahahaha Penny benefits too wtf.  Sorry no photos of birthday boy swimming cos he was with his grandma mostly and we’d like to protect her privacy.

Then two more times when we got home to KL!

This boy is super lucky or what.  Once with Mummy Ooi and Fat Her who got him a chiffon cake (and two watches for his birthday wtf overkill hahaha.  I told them he’s very into watches lately so they could get a toy one for him for his birthday.  They ended up buying him two wtf he wears one on each wrist now lolol.)

We had leftover cupcakes so we did the whole birthday cake for him AGAIN.

So worth it cos look how happy he is!

All ready to eat the cake.

My darling baby boy,

It’s been two whole years since you first entered our lives.  At times time seemed to pass so slow, but now I don’t know where all that time went!  You are a regular little human now, with your own likes and dislikes and a very distinct personality.  Over the past year, mommy and daddy have seen you grow from a blur baby to a walking, talking toddler who is very good at communicating with us, and also parroting us wtf.  We’ve loved discovering new facets of your personality and the fact that you’re such a cheerful, loving child.

You never cease to amaze me with what you’re learning every day.  You and Penny are the best thing that’s ever happened to us.  I love being your mom and having the chance to raise and love you.

Happy 2nd birthday.

Love,

Mi-mi.

As a parent, sometimes you get days filled with joy and smiles.  And sometimes you get days filled with poop.

Saturday was one of those days for me FML.

We were happily eating dinner with my parents and brother, when suddenly Fighter said in a panicked voice, “I need to poo.”

He’d kicked off his shoes at the table so suddenly everyone was in a flurry trying to get the right shoe on the right foot, while Fighter pulled weird faces as he tried to control his sphincter muscles. Hahahaha.

I grabbed my phone and sanitizer spray in one hand, and Fighter’s fist in the other.  We half walked half ran to the rest room which thankfully was quite near the restaurant.

Got to a toilet stall and he managed to get his pants down and sit on the toilet bowl in time.

But then! Calamity struck wtf.

See, he was sitting down, but his bird wasn’t down wtf.  It was resting on his thigh in fact.  So when he started to pee, he peed on himself WTF.  Thankfully, it wasn’t a geyser wtf.  But because his thighs were closed, pee was pooling on his legs T______T  In a panic, I pushed open his legs.  Clearly it backfired because the movement caused his pee to start spraying everywhere instead. @_@

I thought the worst was over when he finished but then he said very calmly, “Mommy my underwear is wet.”

I quickly cleaned him up and stripped off not just his underwear, but also his jeans which were both soaked. @_@  By this point, we were both just standing in the bathroom looking at each other.  Fighter still had his tshirt, socks and shoes on, but no pants. Hahhahaahha.

I said, “OMG Fighter you have no pants.  How to go home like this?”  Then I started laughing uproariously. #shitmom

And Fighter started sobbing.

HAHAHAHAHA oh God.  My family and I are the worst when it comes to toilet humor and laughing at other people’s misery (also our own misery wtf).  But my son was crying his eyes out, so I swallowed my giggles and asked him, “Why? Why are you crying?”

“Because I don’t want people to laugh at me!” *cries*

*coughing to subdue laughter* “No way!  Nobody is going to laugh at you!”

“How do you know?”

“Because only Mommy can laugh at you.  If anyone else laughs at you, I’ll scold them.” Said while pinching my own nose so I wouldn’t laugh.

And he sniffled and nodded like the trusting lamb he is.

So that left the little matter of him being pantless.  I certainly didn’t want to ask him to roam around without pants because he’s all of five years old and very aware of the concept of shame.  But I knew what to do.

Other people might consider this a problem, but not to this family wtf.   My kids bring the weirdest things out with them but that day Fighter had brought with him what would turn out to be the best solution to our problem.

Normally Doggie Dog Dog is always brought along with us, non negotiable one wtf.  But this time, Fighter also decided to take along his old lunch bag which he called Doggie’s luggage…. packed full of Fighter’s own old underwear WTF.  He said those were Doggie’s outfits.

So Fighter ended up wearing a pair of underpants formerly belonging to Doggie Dog Dog formerly belonging to himself. Hahahahaha.

To solve the issue of no jeans, I decided to just grab him and hotfoot it over to the nearest kids’ clothing store.  We found a great pair of skinny jeans for him, and while it cannot be used for Chinese New Year anymore, it looks really nice on him, and most importantly, we preserved his dignity hahahaha.

But let’s backtrack a little.  Doggie Dog Dog’s suitcase was  back at the restaurant so I called Mummy Ooi to come save us.  She came bearing the bag and a skipping Penny at her side.

While Mummy Ooi helped Fighter on with his underpants, Penny declared she had to pee.

So I brought her to the next stall, which had a squatting toilet in it.  Penny’s new school has mostly squatting toilets and I’d taught her how to squat and pee so I wasn’t too worried about her.  She got up and squatted over the toilet with ease.

Unfortunately, she didn’t back up enough so when she started peeing, her pee also missed the toilet with ease and hit my shoes and legs FML.

Luckily my shoes were relatively waterproof but still. *anguish*  Some more had to remain calm cos I don’t want her to panick and spray even more haphazardly LOLOL.

Calmly wiped off her shoes, my shoes and my legs and then sprayed everything with our trusty Softaman spray.

And then we calmly walked over to Next to get Fighter his new jeans.

So thanks chudwens (how Penny says ‘children’) wtf. For giving me the chance to be covered in your bodily secretions.  Also for teaching me unconditional love. Lolol.

As they say, shit happens. Especially with kids. ^^

Every time I post pictures of my kids getting ready for bed, I’ll get DMs asking how I sleep trained them, followed by complaints that their own kids cannot go to sleep early.

To be honest, my first thought would be, why cannot?  Most parents worry about their children’s diet – how much they’re eating and whether the food is healthy.  But to me it’s equally important that kids get enough sleep, cos sleep fuels growth and development.  And Fighter being so small for his age, I just want to make sure that he gets everything he needs in order to grow well. T____T

So yeah, my kids are in bed by 7 pm and usually asleep by latest 8 pm.  I know some families have working parents who come home late and can only see their children at night.  So I understand the need to keep the kids up a little longer so they can see mommy and daddy at the end of the day.  I think in the end, all it boils down to is your family’s lifestyle and finding what works for you.

Since I get questions about the critters’ sleep all the time, I thought I’d do a sleep FAQ here for what we do.

what time do they sleep?

Ok so on weekdays, I’m quite strict with their bedtimes.  Both of them have to wake up at 6.30 am for school (FTL) so by 6.30 pm they start getting ready for bed.  Normally both are fast asleep before 8 pm.

what’s their sleep routine like?

From 6.30 pm, they start winding down!  We wash up, change into pajamas and brush teeth.  I read them both a bedtime story (picked by Penny) and then Fighter goes into his room to play a bit.  I turn off the lights, turn on her night light while Penny arranges her stuffed toys in a specific way on her bed wtf.  I give her a bottle of milk, she drinks it and usually falls asleep immediately.  Sometimes she doesn’t right away, so I stay in the room with her until she does.

After Penny falls asleep, I go over to Fighter’s room.  We read another book that he chooses himself, he tells me whatever he wants to say about his day, then he drinks his milk.  He doesn’t fall asleep immediately so he brushes his teeth.  Then I tuck him into bed, turn on night light, turn off lights, kiss him goodnight and leave the room.  He goes to sleep on his own.

why so early?

They both wake up at 6.30 am on school days.  On weekends they may sleep in until after 7 am but that’s about it hahaha.  They also don’t nap anymore.  On weekends and holidays though they usually sleep later, about 9 or more.

However, even before they started school they already slept early.  Two reasons – we have a circadian clock and it’s healthier for small children and babies to sleep early; also sometimes I want to go for a dinner with just grown ups and it’s easier to put them to bed then I can go out and relax HAHAHA.

For a guide on age-appropriate bedtimes for children, you can see here.

when do you know to drop the nap?

When you notice that it is consistently difficult for them to nap at their usual time!  Penny used to nap from 12-1 pm and then go to bed about 7 pm, but after a time, I noticed she’d struggle to sleep cos she just wasn’t sleepy.  Her nap dragged on, and consequently, her wake up time would get later, and she ended up with a later bedtime.

When it gets harder for your kids to fall asleep for naps, it may be time to drop one nap.  When it happened to Penny and she was already down to only one nap a day, I decided to just take it away.  At first she’d get cranky about 5 something, and end up going to sleep at 6.30 pm.  But that was ok with me too cos she’d sleep a good straight 12 hours at night.

I prefer that both her and Fighter don’t nap, so that when they sleep at night, they sleep longer.  I notice that if they do nap, they end up going to bed much later, and the total hours of sleep they get is actually less.

my  kid didn’t nap and he’s still sleeping at 11 pm!

I get this question a lot too.  I don’t know your situation well enough, obviously, but I think there are a few questions to ask.  Were they overexcited?  Over tired?  Kids are human, not robots.  My kids don’t go to sleep at the exact same time every day, and neither do I wtf.  If you stop their nap one day and they still sleep late, just keep trying. ^^  Sleeping late is a habit they have to break after all.  As long as you stick to a consistent schedule for them, they should end up sleeping at the time you wish.

how do you get fighter to sleep on his own?

Actually I also just managed this the past few months wtf.  Even though they have their own rooms, ever since they were babies, I’d either breastfeed them until they sleep, or sit in the room with them until they do.  I never sleep trained them to sleep on their own.  But they’re older now, and they don’t go to sleep immediately all the time.  So end up I can stay in Fighter’s room for very long sometimes, and only get to eat dinner very late.  This is not sustainable wtf.

So this is what I did.  I asked Fighter why he wanted me to stay in the room with him, and he said cos he’s scared wtf.  But he’s actually not cos when he wakes up at night, he gets a drink of water from a Thermos we keep in the room, and goes back to sleep on his own.

So I told him we can do it slowly.  I usually sat on his bed while he fell asleep so every day I would move slightly further away.  From the bed next to him, to the foot of the bed wtf.  To an armchair in his room, then on the floor right next to his door wtf.  Then I told him I would just be right outside his door, eating at our dining table, or in the living room, watching TV.  I told him he could come out and check on me if he wanted but not too many times hahaha.  And I’d go in and periodically check on him too.  And it works!  He pops his head out once or twice, but goes back in by himself and goes to sleep peacefully.

For Penny I don’t know if this would work wtf.  Cos she’s way more stubborn and cannot reason wtf.  But she’s still younger so I’ll give it time and try a different method if I have to.

any other useful tips?

Yea got!

• a consistent sleep routine is useful.  For toddlers and small children who can’t tell time, going through the same routine every day (wash up, ready story, chat about the day etc) can be very calming and prepare them better for bed.
• decide what time you want them to sleep and stick to it.  Don’t anyhow one day sleep at 9 pm, next day want to sleep at 7 pm.  If you cannot sleep at erratic times, don’t expect your child to be able to.
• time their naps if they’re still napping.  I did that with both kids.  For example, if Penny always wakes up at 5 pm from her nap and only falls asleep at 10 pm, it means she probably only feels sleepy 5 hours after her last nap.  So if I want her to sleep at say, 8 instead of 10, I make sure she doesn’t sleep anymore after 3 pm (5 hours before 8 pm).
• car naps are the worst wtf.  I don’t know about you guys, but every time those two fall asleep in the car it wreaks havoc on their sleep.  Cos they won’t sleep that long in the car, maybe max 15 minutes?  But end up sleeping an hour later than bedtime it drives me mad wtf.

I realize writing this blog post that I may sound slightly anal about my children’s sleep and maybe I am hahahaha.  It’s just that my kids, when sleep deprived, are very annoying hahaha.  Cranky, grumpy and not fun to be around.  Plus I don’t want their immune systems to be compromised by a lack of sleep la.

My methods may not work for everyone cos it really depends on your lifestyle and preferences.  But hopefully some of my tips will help you if you’re looking to fix your child’s bedtime.

Leave me any other questions in the comments and I’ll try to answer!

It actually happened a month ago la wtf.

And it was the biggest event of November for me. T_____T

So leading up to it, Fighter would tell me now and then that he was worried he couldn’t remember the moves for his graduation performance wtf.  And I gently laughed it off each time, chalking it up to Fighter’s slightly anxious personality.

But then the day came…. and I didn’t expect to be overwhelmed with all these emotions I didn’t know I’d feel!

Photos first.

Penny and her friend Kiesha (whose brother is Fighter’s classmate) running around like the princesses they are wtf.  This was before the ceremony started, when all the six year old graduates were in their classes, trying on their robes and caps.

After that we had to leave the very important graduates and go into the auditorium to wait for the ceremony to start.  There was a speech or two, some singing and then they started announcing the classes and giving out certificates of graduation from kindergarten!

I knew it was gonna happen – duh, why else would we be sitting in that auditorium wtf – but it still hit me right in the gut: my son is graduating kindergarten. T________T

Look at this little boy. T3T All grown up and accepting his graduation certificate like a little man. T3T  Shaking hands with people some more.  Did I teach him how to shake hands. T3T

He looks so proud, and if anything, I was even prouder.

And then, to my disbelief, Fighter proceeded to sweep up two prizes .  One was for ting xie/ejaan/spelling – every week they do a spelling test for either Mandarin, Malay or English and those with the best scores are awarded a trophy.  I think Fighter missed a 100% once or twice but evidently still good enough to get a trophy hahaha.

Fighter had already told me he was getting two prizes, but he forgot what the other one was for.  His details sounded too vague to believe so I didn’t hahaha.  So yea I was so surprised when he picked up another award – for oustanding performance!  Honestly I have no idea what “outstanding performance” means cos suspiciously, they’re all boys LOL plus there’s already a top 3 in class.  This is a separate category.  I feel like “outstanding performance” actually means most improvement which I am very  happy about!

Fighter is the least naughty kid ever but I think he improved cos he used to cry a lot last year hahahaha.  His teacher Ms Ho said he got so much better this year plus he’s apparently hands down the best behaved child in class so that could be it wtf.

Back in the classroom with his beloved Ms Ho, and Ms Photo Ruiner of the Year.

My darling,

I am and have always been so proud of you but I didn’t know how much until I saw you walk on to that stage and receive your prizes.  I cried then, because I was so proud and honored to be your mother, and I also cried a little because every step you take feels like a step away from me (even though it shouldn’t.)

Every day I see you maturing and growing more and more independent.  You are sweet to your little sister, adore your father, and you are so forgiving of me when I am clumsy and accidentally hurt you or spoil your things wtf.  You are so independent now, going about your day, busy with your plans of play, and making your small decisions.  Yet at night when I put you to bed, you pull me close, snuggle against my arm and whisper “I like this mommy.”  And I am the center of your world again.

I didn’t have any notions when I got pregnant with you, but if I did have any, you would have blown them all wide open, the amazing little person you are.

I will cry again on the first day you start primary school, but if you ever read this, please know how much I love you and am proud of you.  It is a privilege to raise you (and Penny) and to watch you grow into the wonderful man I know you will be.

Love, Mommy.

(shit I write this own self want to cry again WTF)

Here’s a vlog I made of that big day!  So glad I captured it — such great memories. <3

Nearly wasn’t gonna blog about this but I need to!  In fifty years, my goldfish memory will thank me wtf.

So the kids have started school since the 6th of January.  First morning was a mix of excitement, apprehension and nerves…. for all of us!  Yes even Mommy wtf.

The next two years are going to be horrible for school runs cos they’re in different schools! Here’s my routine:

7:30 am Fighter starts school so I have to drop him safely before that
7:40 am Penny starts her school (so I have to rush over to her school)
11:30 am Penny finishes school
1:00 pm Fighter finishes school

It’s horrible congested with parents and their cars so instead of sending Penny home after I pick her up and driving out again, I’ve decided to just pick Penny up from school, drive over to Fighter’s school to get a good parking spot, and just wait for him to finish.  We hang out in the car, I stock it with snacks in case she’s hungry and prepared a lot of Disney movies to watch on our car TV hahaha.  We usually wait an hour but it’s less stressful and less driving time for me.

So anyway first day!

Kids on the first morning!  Very excited….

In the main hall before they disperse to their respective classrooms. Still all smiles~

But once enter the classroom he started getting nervous and eyes turned red lolol.  I can imagine how nervous he was though, sitting in a new classroom with new kids around him waiting for a strange teacher.  The reason why he was reluctant to leave kindergarten was cos he wanted his old teacher, and I know how important teachers are to kids this age!

In fact, the whole class was unusually quiet for a group of six and seven year olds!  I think all of them must have been very nervous poor things hahahaha.

On the first day they allowed the parents to stick around and check on the kids at recess.  I signed Fighter up for school meal plans so he would have a reserved seat.  It was muffins and Milo that day so he was very happy hahahaha.

It helped that Fighter’s kindergarten friends’ mothers and I booked the whole table together so they could sit with their old friends!  Fighter was delighted and exclaimed, “Mommy I got to see all my old friends!”

He got to see his girlfriend SY (who’s in a different class this year) too hahahaha.  She saw him when school ended and dragged her mother over so she could say hi to him hahahaha.

(Oh ya let me say that I think I wracked up don’t know how many kilometers that day wtf.  After I dropped Fighter off at school, I took Penny to her school.  Made sure she was ok, then turned back round to Fighter’s school for a parents’ orientation talk.  Then I waited to check on Fighter at recess.  Then I rushed back to Penny’s school to take her home.  And then drove back to Fighter’s to pick him up. I should be an Uber driver wtf.)

At the end of the first day I asked him how it was.  He came back a bit red eyed because apparently he wanted to go to the toilet after recess and his English teacher gave him an “angry look” wtf.  And he said she’s like “CCTV cos she stands outside the class and stares inside” WTF.

Two days later though, he announced, “Me and the English teacher are getting on better” hahahahaha as if they were in a fight like that!  Cos apparently she’s been playing games with them in class so she’s in everyone’s good books now wtf.  And he said “Time passes so fast now school doesn’t feel that long anymore.” Which I take as a very good sign cos time flies when you’re having fun right!?

Other anecdotes:

I got a call from a strange number one morning.  Picked up and it was Fighter’s teacher, Mrs P calling to tell me Fighter fell down on the way to the canteen (why am I not surprised wtf) but he’s okay and they’re putting medicine on his leg and he’s fine to continue at school.

I asked him when he came home and he told me he was fine too!  He said he didn’t even cry, although there were tears in his eyes hahahaha.  And that Mrs P said he was very brave.  I was surprised and asked him, did she say it in English or Chinese?  He said Chinese, and I was even more surprised – does he know the Chinese word for brave?  Cos that’s not a super basic word, in fact I can’t even remember how to say it in Hokkien wtf.  He said yes, it’s yong gan and I was suitably impressed wtf.  I went, “Wow you know the word for ‘brave’?” He was all casual and said, “Yea I heard someone say it a few years ago” wtf my son I am in aweeeeee.

He also happily told me they were playing word games during Malay class where the teacher wrote words with blanks and the kids had to fill in the blanks correctly.  And Fighter got “segi tiga” correct and won points for the boys to beat the girls LOL 20 points to 10 ok hahaha.

I’m so happy that he’s off to a good start!  And also very impressed that the class teacher was caring enough to call me and update me!  This is normal in kindy but I completely did not expect it in public primary school.

During another talk, the school also told us that not only there will be no exams for the first 3 years (as per the education ministry’s directive) but they also intend to focus not on rote memorization but in teaching the kids how to think and to develop their characters.  I’m really very pleased!  Cross fingers Fighter will do well.

And that was our first week of school!

Things Fighter and Penny say part 832728472.  The older they get, the more savage they get FML.

Eating fried chicken from a recipe I found online for dinner.
Me: This is so good!
Penny: Yea. But it could be better if we ordered McDonald’s.

.

Talking about what everyone in the family is good at.

Penny: Koko is the master of Minecraft.   I’m the master at running, Mommy is the master of Angry Birds (cos I play a lot fml hahahaha).  Daddy is the master of chocolate.

.

During Zoom class.

Ms Ho (on Zoom): If you can, I want you to try reading a book every day.
Penny (talking to herself): I’m going to play Barbie doll house every day.
Me: I’m going to tell Ms Ho. Laoshi…. Penny said she doesn’t want to read, only wants to play
Penny looks worried.
Penny: Oh the mic is not on. She can’t hear you. *relieved*

.

The kids had set up a “hair salon” in Penny’s room and asked us to be their customers.  Fatty and I had a Zoom meeting though so we said wait a while.  When we came down from our call, the kids already had Dada our helper as a customer.
Fighter: Wait in line wait in line!
Me: But we came down all the way just for this
Fighter: OK Dada you’re done! *pushes Dada out of the way*

.

At bedtime when I’m tucking her in and kissing her goodnight.
Penny: You know Mommy every night I don’t want you to go away cos you’re so cute and nice and soft

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Penny: Today I poo very long because my poo is very slow.  I got a lot of poo.  When I  have a bit of poo my backside pain.  When I have a lot of poo my stomach pain.

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Fighter: I wish we could have a pet lion.  But it would eat Daddy because they go for the fat ones first.

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Fighter: You’re the expert!
Me: At what?
Fighter: at everything!

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Before we decided on Fighter’s name, when he was inside me we jokingly referred to him as
Fighter: I wish I was named Fei De!  But how?  All my school books are already

.

Fighter: My science teacher is Chen Lao Shi.  He’s a guy.
Penny: How does he look like?
Fighter:  I don’t know
Penny: Just tell me if he’s got pimples or not.

.

Fighter: I made a new friend today! He’s in Standard Two.
Penny: Does he have pimples on his face?

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Fighter: When I grow up, I want to be a scientist, an archaelogist or an inventor.
Me: how about you, Penny?
Penny: I want to be the same job as Koko.
Me: why??
Penny: So I can see Koko every day at work *dreamy look*

Penny is super obsessed and idolizes Koko guys.

Fighter: One day I’m going to invent a camera that when you put someone’s picture inside, that person will appear in another photo even though the person wasn’t there.
Me (thinking “that’s photoshop”): Oh ok that’s nice.  What about you Penny?  What do you want to invent?
Penny: I’m gonna invent a fairy wand and fairy wings!

Not so scientific after all. HAHAHAHAHA.

.

Fighter was grumbling because their best friends (who are also siblings) haven’t returned to school yet post lockdown.  But Penny’s BFF Mia has started coming back for ballet class which is a weekly affair.

Fighter: I wish I was you Penny!  Then I could see my best friend once a week.
Penny: I wish I was you too Koko.  And also me.  But I like being me more.

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Me trying to make Fighter feel better about missing his best friend.

Me: You know what?  I know it sucks that Chase is not in school yet but look on the bright side, you made so many new friends! (he’s been telling me about new friends he’s made in school – even kids from different years)
Fighter (brightening): Oh yea.  I made six new friends.
Me (turning to Penny): How about you?  Do you have any friends in school (since Mia is not back yet plus her class has divided into two groups who go to school on alternate days, and none of her other friends are in her group)
Penny: Nope.
Me: Why? Why don’t you go and talk to the other kids?
Fighter: Yea it’s so easy! Just say hello! (clearly an extrovert)
Penny: Mommy I got a friend.  She’s He Laoshi (Ms. Ho, her teacher LOL)

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So as I was saying earlier, Penny recently has developed this hero worship for Fighter hahahaha.  She’s also super protective of him and it’s damn adorable!

One day they were playing Minecraft, in a world Fighter created.  A creeper walks in to Fighter’s supermarket.  If you don’t play Minecraft, apparently creepers can explode which causes damage to whatever you’ve built.

From upstairs I could hear…

Fighter: No no no no NONONONOOOOOO
*creeper explodes*
Fighter (bursts into tears): WAHHHHHHHHHHHH
(Fighter cried hysterically cos he had apparently spent a lot of time building up his supermarket lol)

I rushed down to see what happened and tried to calm him down.  What I didn’t notice was that in the midst of all the havoc (and Butters getting caught up in everyone’s legs), Penny had grabbed her own iPad and was tapping furiously on it.

She was trying to rebuild the broken supermarket for Fighter. T_____T

After a while though, she got logged out of the world, because it belonged to Fighter and Fighter was inactive.  So this resourceful Baby then grabbed Fighter’s iPad and accessed the world from it, and kept on building the supermarket until it was finished.

Then she took the iPad over to Fighter who was still bawling on my knee, showed it to him and said, “It’s okay Koko.  Look — your supermarket is okay.”

In the midst of all the chaos and crying, Penny kept her head and did the best thing to fix the situation – she fixed Fighter’s bombed out supermarket.  And she did it purely for him. T________T

We’d always worried that Penny lacked empathy but no, she has tons of it now.  And not only does she feel empathy for people, she actually does something about it, which I can’t even say for many grown ups!  I was sooooo proud of her then.

Fighter stopped crying and hugged her.  And for the rest of the day, I noticed he was extra nice to her, even bringing water for her to drink LOL.

.

Enjoyed writing this so much!  Hahaha gonna compile more as we go along.

Time for another Things Fighter and Penny Say!

Penny: “I think next time I want to be like Auntie Sherlyn.  I’ll get a dog and have a husband but I don’t want kids.”
Fighter: “I changed my mind, Mommy.  I think I don’t want to get married I just want to stay with you and Daddy forever.”
Me: “How about you, Baby? Do you want to stay with us too or have your own house?”
Penny: “I want my own big house.” *gestures widely
Fighter: “YAY then I get the Barbie house!”
Fatty: “Somebody’s gotta tell him than in 20 years he won’t want the Barbie house.”
Me: “I tried.  He can’t imagine ever not wanting the Barbie house.”

*

Fighter: “Mommy, you know why Ah Chor [their great grandmother] and all the old people are still alive?  Because on my 6th and 7th birthday I wished that they would be alive forever.”

*

Mummy Ooi: “I don’t really like caviar, I don’t know why people like it.”
Fighter: “I also don’t really like Javier, he bombed my Minecraft house.”

editor’s note: He heard caviar as Javier HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*

Fighter: “Mommy, does a serial killer eat cereal?”

*

Not really something they said but it was too cute I had to include this.  The kids play a game called Bloxburg on Roblox which is similar to The Sims.  You work a job, earn money to build your own house and furnish it.  The difference is you get to interact with other players in your town since it’s an online game.

One day, Penny comes up to me crying because…. she had made a friend in Bloxburg and she designated that person as “roommate” which basically gave that player permission to edit her house!  And that player for god know what reason started deleting furniture in her house and moving her staircase around LOL.  Penny was so distraught she cried, but Fighter turned out to be such a protective older brother – he was in the game too, and he immediately sent out a message to this player: “Hey why did you delete my sister’s stuff. YOU STUPID” LOL but I guess stupid is an off limits word cos it came out as ****** ahahahaha I cannot.

He then proceeded to block that user and report her lolol.

Later on, I also found out that Penny had zero money left in the game because she kept giving her money away.  When I asked her, she cried and confessed that she did that to make friends. T_______T Omg I cannot with this funny little girl hahahahaha.  She didn’t know how to type or read so she couldn’t communicate with the other kids.  So in her 5 year old head, she thought she would make friends by giving people money omg hahahahahaha.

And it turns out that was the reason why she made that player her roommate too.  Because she was so happy to have a friend who played with her in the game. Hahahahaha.

*

We’re eating mangoes.

Fatty: “Dada [our helper], take the mango seed.  You like it right?”
Fatty: “You know, Kong Kong loves the seed too.  Even Daddy likes mango seeds.”
Penny: “I don’t like the seed, I like the sofa.”

editor’s note: she thought we said ‘seat’ LOL.

*

I forgot how it came up but we were talking about LGBT and I was explaining the concept to the kids.

Me: “Usually boys like girls and girls like boys.  But sometimes there are boys who like other boys, and girls who like other girls.  And that’s okay because everyone is different and likes different things.”
Both of them: *digesting this info*
Me: “So it’s up to you next time if you want to marry a girl or marry a boy.”
Penny: “I want to marry a boy.”
Me: “Oh? So you like boys?”
Penny: “Yea.”
Me (thinking she had some boy she liked): “What boys do you like?”
Penny: “Kind boys.” (then whispering in my ear) “Also handsome.  Handsome boys.”

*

It’s Orientation Day for Penny’s school and they’re doing it on Zoom.  The kids haven’t been back for so long the teacher is showing them photos of their classroom.

Ms Ho: “Do you remember your old classroom?”
Penny (yelling): “I don’t even remember my old life!”

*

So a group of boys in Fighter’s class established a “gang”.  The gang’s main activity is to stay back on the Zoom call after class is over and teacher has left, and they talk to each other and watch each other play Minecraft LOL.  One of Fighter’s good friends, Ayden asked him to join the gang, and said he already told the gang leader Fighter would be joining LOL.  This was what Ayden’s mom told me.

Me: “So I heard Ayden asked you to join the gang.”
Fighter: “Yea.”
Me: “Are you going to join them to play Minecraft?”
Fighter: “Nah.”
Me” “Oh why not?”
Fighter: “Because Luke [gang leader] said only boys!  No girls allowed! I said it’s not fair to not let girls join.  So I said I don’t want to join.”

Oh my son. T_______T  We would be a better world if there were more of you hahahaha.

We’re back with more Things Fighter and Penny say!

Fighter: “Mommy, I’m gonna friend J on Roblox.”
Me: “Who’s J?”
Fighter: “One of my friends. He’s a bit fat but never mind.”

O_O I promise I have been teaching them not to judge others by their appearance ok hahaha

***

Penny bought something with her allowance and I paid for her first.  She was supposed to pay me back when we got home.

Penny: “Mommy, how much do I owe you?”
Me: “Twenty five ringgit.”
Penny: “I don’t have twenty five.  I only have a thousand.  So I pay you a thousand.”

***

Fatty to Penny: “Baby, who do you prefer to send you to ballet – me or Mommy?”
Penny: “Mommy.”
Fatty: “Why not me??”
Penny: “Because Mommy stays and watches me dance.  You didn’t see me dance. I dance so nice.”

***

Penny received a Nintendo Switch from us for her birthday but because it wasn’t Fighter’s he didn’t get one.  Instead we encouraged him to save up enough money to buy his own.  We set him a list of goals to hit, and if he hit them we would reward him.  So stuff from winning a medal in his poetry recital competition, reading x pages of a book by himself etc.  He eventually made it and bought himself his own Switch!  But it’s notable that Penny actually gave him RM100 of her own money because “she didn’t need it” hahahaha.  She also offered to go to Grandma’s house and wash dishes and give Fighter her earnings from Grandma lololol.  Sometimes they’re so sweet and sometimes they’re so irritating to each other.

And when they’re irritating?  One day before Fighter bought his own Switch, he wanted to play with Penny’s but she wouldn’t let him.  In a huff, he stalked off to his room, pulled his cash out and started counting it.  To see how long more until he has to put up with this shit LOLOL.

***

So we have some people in our lives who think that Black Lives Matter is a joke and um who happen to view Black people in a racist manner.  Fatty and I were discussing this, and Fighter overheard. So we had to explain in short that Uncle X doesn’t like Blacks.

Fighter: “No! Wrong answer.”

****

When singing karaoke at home.

Penny: “Daddy’s singing is so bad he sounds like he’s talking.”

***

Fighter (seriously): “Mommy, I think the house is haunted.  Every time after I charge my Nintendo I turn the switch off, but the next time I see it again, my plug head isn’t there, it’s on the table.”
Me: “It’s me.  I’m unplugging it.”
Fighter: “Ohhh.”

***

Fatty was singing one of Penny’s favorite songs bad on purpose just to annoy her.

Fatty: “How do you like my singing, Baby?”
Penny: “Well how do you like my kicking?” *makes as if to kick Fatty*

***

Penny has a new teddy bear.

Penny: “What do you think I should name her?”
Me: “What about Flora? Because she’s wearing a floral dress.”
Penny: “Toto?”
Me: “Huh?”
Penny: “How about Toto?”
Me: “You already choose, why you ask me….”

***

Sometimes when we have leftovers, we give bits to Butters as a treat.

Penny: “Butters is the dustbin in our house and Grandpa is the dustbin in Grandma’s house.”

***

Penny was helping me cook and received a small burn on her finger.

Penny: “My finger hurts. But if I cut my finger off then it won’t hurt anymore cos it won’t be there.”

Penny’s logic hahahahaha

****

We are watching Captain Marvel

Fighter: “How do they create gravity inside the spaceship?”
Fatty: *goes into long spiel about how something has to move in order to create gravity and having to create propulsion to simulate gravity*
Me: *keeps quiet because I was gonna answer ‘they just press the gravity button’ *

****

We gave Butters a haircut so for about a week he looked thinner than normal hahahaha.

Penny: “I like Butters when he’s skinny.  He looks cute and smart.  When he’s fat he looks dumb and greedy.”

***

We posed the “Trolley Dilemma” to the critters.  If you’ve never heard of the Trolley Dilemma, it’s an ethics question.  It basically tells of a runaway trolley running down a track.  The track splits into two, and on one track is five people tied up there so the train will kill them if nothing is done.  However, if you pull a lever, the trolley switches to the other track.  Unfortunately, on the second track is one person standing on it, and pulling a lever means you would kill that one person.  What would you do?

Fighter and Penny: “Easy.  Kill one person is better than killing 5 people.”

Me and Fatty: “But what if that one person is a baby?”

Fighter and Penny: “It’s okay.  Still kill the baby because the baby is so young it can easily be reborn and go back to its age.”

Hahahahahahah omg.  First, they clearly have very Buddhist beliefs hahaha.  And secondly I think how they got to this idea was because I was telling them it’s not a good thing to chop down old healthy trees because they took so long to grow to this age that it would be such a waste.  So I think they applied this logic to humans hahahahaha.

***

Some time in the beginning of this year, Fighter developed what I suspect was a crush (or the beginnings of one) on the older sister of one of Penny’s friends’ who at ten, is two years older than him.

Back in March, we had a small birthday party for Penny at home.  4 or 5 little girls Penny’s age came to play and they all busied themselves doing little girl things.  Fighter ended up playing with the older sister most of the time.  I guess he had a blast because after that he kept talking about Rachel this Rachel that the next couple of days after!  He also told us how he wanted a birthday party at home too.  When I asked who he wanted to invite, he mentioned a few boys and then Rachel, the sister.

Me: “Rachel?  Wouldn’t she feel left out as the only girl?”

Fighter: “But I like Rachel!”

Me (dawning on me): “wait. Do you like Rachel like you like Chase and Ayden?  Or do you like her as a girl?”  I actually didn’t know what I expected him to answer at this point hahaha.  It just struck me because he has never talked like this much about any friend before, much less one who’s a girl.

Fighter: “What do you mean like her as a girl?”

Me: “Um. Like do you want to marry her?”

Fighter: “NOOOOoooooo…..”

Me: “Oh okay then.”

Fighter (pauses): “Too soon, not yet.  I’m not ready.”

WTF HAHAHAHAHAHA.

I didn’t push it or ask anymore but gradually as time passed he talked about Rachel less and less hahahahah.  I’m not sure if it was even a proper crush now, or if he was just super impressed by this older, knowledgable friend who spent time with him when he was kicked out of Queen Bee Penny’s room.  I hope it’s not la I’m not ready for them to grow up this fast!!!

***

We have a neighbor, a boy a year younger than Penny.  I’ve mentioned before in my Insta I think but this boy can be erm quite naughty.  He doesn’t listen to his dad, often does the opposite of what his dad or any adult says, lies, and I even caught him trying to step on Butters on purpose.

Anyway one day, Fighter and Penny were downstairs playing (or trying to play wtf) badminton with each other.  Neighbor kid runs up and asks to join them.

He picks up a racquet but instead of playing properly, he swishes it around going, “Haiyak haiyak” then attempted to hit Fighter with the racquet. O_O

When Fighter missed a shot, Neighbor Kid said…

Neighbor Kid: “Haha!! You missed!”

Fighter: “Hey don’t laugh at me!”

Penny: “It’s not that funny also.  Nobody else is laughing.”

Penny (getting angrier): “If you laugh again I’m going to get angrier and angrier and fire will blast out of my head.”

Hahahahahahahhaha these two.  They can fight with each other and complain about each other and tease each other every day, but if someone else does it, it’s a hard no lolol.  I love these two.

The end!

Seems like I only update my blog for Things Fighter and Penny say now.

But they’re so worth saving!

.

We asked the kids the classic train question:

There is a runaway train going down the railway tracks. Ahead, on the tracks, there are five people tied up and unable to move. The train is headed straight for them. There’s a lever next to the track.  If you pull this lever, the train will switch to a different set of tracks. However, you notice that there is a baby on this second track. What do you do?

1. Do nothing, in which case the trolley will kill the five people on the main track.

2. Pull the lever, diverting the trolley onto the side track where it will kill the baby

The kids unanimously: “Kill the baby.  Because the baby is young, it can easily be reborn and get back quickly to its current age.”

Hahahahah what’s your answer?

.

Fighter: “Mommy, did Japan ever get conquered?”
Me: “No. Japan conquered other people.”
Penny: “That’s not fair!”
Fighter: “No, I mean like a long time ago.  Before World War 2.  Like in 1506” (??)
Me: “Yea, they didn’t.  You know the book I’m reading now is about Japan in the 1500s?” [I was reading Shogun by James Clavell.]
Fighter: “What was it like then?”
Me: “Well, there were samurai.  Do you know what a samurai is?”
Fighter: “Yeah.  It’s those fat guys who wrestle.”

.

Us watching Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, the scene at the end where Dumbledore cancels school exams.

Dumbledore: “As a school treat, all exams have been canceled!”
Penny: “Woo hoo!  I wish my school would do that.”
Me: “Do you even have exams?”
Penny: “What’s exams?”

.

Us reading a book about Julius Caesar.

Me: “Penny! Julius Caesar was killed on 15 March something AD!  Your birthday!”
Penny: “How old was I?”
Me: “You weren’t born yet.  This was 2000 years ago.”
Penny: “Oh. How old were you then?”
Me: “Am I 2000 years old, Baby?” -_-”
Penny: “Oh.  How old was Ah Chor (great grandmother)?”
Me: “Is Ah Chor 2000 years old?”
Penny: “How about my antessors?”
Fighter: “She means ‘ancestors’!!” *howling with laughter*

.

Penny: “I can see pi sai (boogers) in your nose Dada.”
Dada (her nanny): It’s not pi sai, its something else.
Penny: “No it is I can see it hanging there.”
Dada: “Why you so rude Baby” *trying not to laugh*
Penny: “What is it if it’s not pi sai? Is it spider web?”

.

The critters are really into riddles right now.  And they’re pretty good at coming up with answers too!

Fatty: “What has one eye but cannot see?” [the normal answer is a needle]
Penny: “Tornado!”

Correct also and I thought it was very clever of her hahaha.

Fatty: “What must you break before you use it?” [the normal answer is an egg]
Fighter: “Disposable chopsticks!”

Also correct and very relevant hahaha.

Fatty: “I have no life but I can die.  What am I?” [the normal answer is a battery]
Fighter: “Fire!”

Fatty (answering his phone in the middle of asking riddles): “…tomorrow you settle already?”
Penny: “I don’t get that one, Daddy.”

Hahahahahaha this girl knew Daddy was answering his phone and turned it into a joke.

.

We were having dinner at a friend’s house.

Fighter: “Why are your utensils gold in color?”
Penny: “Because they’re rich!”

.

Penny (pooping in someone else’s house): “I cannot poo because my backside not used to the shape of this toilet.

(proceeds to poop anyway)

.

Me: “Eww! Who farted [in the car]?”
Fatty: “Me.”
Penny: “Ewwww! Why do I have to be the one sitting behind you!  Because Daddy’s backside is behind him and I’m behind his backside!”
Fighter: “Headshot.”

.

Reading a book about school uniforms.

Penny: “Uniforms are good cos bullies will have one less thing to focus on.”

.

Penny: “We’ve decided.  When we grow up me and Koko are going to get married and stay together.”
Me (grossed out): “Brothers and sisters can’t get married! And they definitely can’t have babies together!”
Jude: “Oh.  Okay, we’ll just live together.  And we’ll adopt.”
Penny: “Because I don’t want to cut my stomach.”

So a few weeks back, we found out that Penny… *drumroll* started a paper business at school.  She’s been selling paper to her friends.

Specifically tiny sheets of paper that come from a notebook that another friend gifted her for her birthday.

RM 1 for a post it note size of paper each.

*buries head in hands*

(She brings this little notebook filled with rainbow colored pieces of paper to school and when she has free time, she uses the pieces of paper to either doodle or fold origami.  Her classmates sitting around her have noticed and asked for paper for themselves to draw too; in fact, that’s how she made some friends – by giving them pieces of paper.  Ahh seven year olds.)

She actually told our helper Sassy and Sassy told me and Fatty.

My eyes widened.  I went to grab her wallet.  I opened it and this is what I saw.

Stacks and stacks of 1 ringgit notes. O_O Hahahahaha.

This is the conversation that ensued.

Me: “Why didn’t you tell us yourself, Baby?”

Penny: “I wanted to make more money first.”

Me (thinking): Because she wanted to have something substantial to show us or because she was scared we’d shut her down? wtf.

Fatty: “So why did you start selling paper? Can you tell us?”

Penny: (looking slightly shifty eyed): “Well my friends kept asking me for paper.  So I thought to myself, why not sell it? I sell one paper for 1 dollar.  Lucas bought a lot!  He’s very rich, he brings a lot of money to school.”

O_O

Me: “Um, well, so are you going to sell more paper tomorrow?”

Penny: “Yeah.  Or else how can I buy nuggets from the canteen.”

O_O

The next day after school, I gently prodded her, “So did you sell any more paper today?”

Penny: “Oh no.  Today is promotion day.  Actually every Thursday is promotion day. So I give out paper for free.  So that more people will take.”

Me: “Wow, very good strategy.  Since when is every Thursday promotion day? You haven’t been selling paper that long.”

Penny: “I just decided today.”

Me: “Oh, so you gave away paper for free today like samples?”

Penny: “Yea.  But I sold cellophane tape for the paper.  1 dollar per tape.”

What. No wonder a couple of days ago I overheard her asking Fighter if tape was permissible in school.  And selling pieces of tape? That’s an even bigger margin of profit than selling post it note sized paper!  I started to sweat.

(by the way guys, I’d like to draw your attention to the fact that she’s making pure profit.  Her cost is zero since she brought the tape from home and her notebook was a present wtf.)

Fatty decided to ask, “So when you sell your paper, do people come up to you and ask you to buy?  Or do you go around and ask people if they’d like some paper?”

Penny: “Oh usually they ask me for paper.  But if nobody asks me for paper I go and ask them if they want to buy.”

*doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry*

Plenty of mixed feelings for us!  Fatty and I were half worried, half amused and maybe another half impressed.

So we were pretty impressed at her business acumen, that she came up with the idea of selling something scarce that she owned that was also in demand hahaha.  That she was savvy enough to recognize that demand and created an opportunity for herself to get something in return.

On the other hand, she clearly had a very easy captive market with no sense of the value of money LOL.  And it didn’t seem right that she was making money off her friends without even exerting any effort.  (As a seven year old myself, I had designed, drawn, colored and cut out jewelry – rings, watches, bracelets – from paper which I then taped up – for the waterproof factor – then sold to my friends.  I’d told her this story and she’d responded, “Well at least I don’t have to do any work like Mommy did.” FML.)

On the third hand, we didn’t want to dampen her entrepreneurial spirit either.  I loved that she came up with these funny ideas by herself and I didn’t want to stem her thinking and creativity; I would like very much to encourage her ideas and endeavors.

On the fourth hand, I wasn’t ready to face angry parents of classmates who are out of pocket lots of ringgits because of her paper business LOL.

In the end, it was Fat Her Ooi who told us how to resolve this.

We told her that it was fine if her friends wanted to pay her for her stationery.  But she shouldn’t keep the money all to herself because paper doesn’t cost that much la wtf.  Instead what she could do was use the money to buy nuggets or treats from the canteen and share them with her customers hahaha.  Then everyone happy wtf and at least she’s giving her friends back their money in kind.

She agreed to it happily enough.

Well, her business didn’t last long after that though.  I guess the kids got bored of the novelty of the paper and demand steadily declined from there hahahahaha.  Penny didn’t seem too bothered, probably because it meant more paper for herself.

And today I heard from the kids that her paper business has officially been shuttered.  Because at assembly, the school made an announcement that students are not allowed to give each other money. I hope it’s not from her case wtf.

Penny attended the Sound of Music audition yesterday.

Back story is, a lot of followers and friends sent me the audition notice calling for children. I casually showed it to her, not expecting her to want to actually audition. She has shown no real interest in singing besides car karaoke wtf and she has definitely had no training in it.

Even more notably, she doesn’t sing in tune all the time wtf.

I gently told her that I would sign her up if that’s what she wanted but that she probably had only a very small chance of making it because a lot of kids would probably audition and many would probably already have had training or just more exposure.

She wanted to do it anyway.

So we went for it. She took a day off school and I drove her to the auditorium. It was packed! I later found out that more than 800 children showed up for it.

We waited for more than two hours before it was her turn. We were finally ushered in to the auditorium where each child had to sing individually two lines from ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’.

We had practiced this in the days leading up to the audition but she still not very consistent leh fml. Seated in the audience, my heart was hammering, my legs were weak and I felt like fainting wtf – I was soooo anxious for her.

She sang. Not as loud as the loudest ones but loud enough for me to hear. She was pitch perfect.

The directors announced they would call out some numbers and those who weren’t selected would unfortunately not go through to the next cut.

Penny was one of those called. I stood up, weak kneed. I had to meet her and leave the auditorium together. I assumed we would leave for good. I tried to smile at the attendant but I was sooo emo already Hahahha. I held Penny’s hand and we walked out.

Outside a lady with a bunch of lanyards put a lanyard over Penny’s head and smiled. “Congratulations!”

“Wait, she made it?” I asked incredulously.

“Yes she made it to the next round!”

I never imagined. I was amazed and ecstatic. Penny, who tends to keep her feelings close to her, was calmer but she smiled and smiled.

Getting her picture taken and height measured. Based on her height, she would be trying out for Gretl.

For round 2, us parents had to leave them. They were meant to go learn how to sing Doe A Deer and then audition with it.

We reassembled an hour later and the second cut began. Penny was cut this round.

She’d made a friend, and within twenty minutes they were holding hands while walking. Her friend got through to the third round.

I was so torn. Friends without kids ask me what motherhood is like and today I came to a clear answer: having kids changes your heart.

On the one hand, I never really wanted her to win a part. She already had so many classes and commitments she loved and if she was in the musical I’d have to change up her entire schedule. I’d have to ferry her around even more, affecting my own work and time. It was a lot. I was relieved we wouldn’t have to come back again the next day for more auditions.

On the other hand, my heart ached for her. When you’re a parent, it’s as if your heart envelopes your children. every hurt your child experiences automatically becomes yours. I felt dejected and rejected. I was irrationally upset that the musical directors didn’t love her as much as I did. I was jealous and sour that her friend got in but she didn’t.

On top of that though, I was so so proud of her. To go and try out for something that she didn’t have a clear talent or advantage for. To have the courage to stand up on that stage and sing for everyone. To push herself and practice even though it didn’t come naturally to her.

We walked out hand in hand. I told her how proud I was of her.

She beamed. “Mommy, do I get a treat for trying out?”

I laughed. “No. Your reward is you feeling proud of yourself and me being proud of you.”

She seemed satisfied with that.

I asked how she was feeling.

“A bit sad,” she confessed. “But also happy because my friend got in.”

She taught me selflessness today. I was bitter and grumpy lol but she showed me her heart was big enough to be happy for her friends even while she was grieving for herself. I’m not sure I can do that myself, I know most people probably can’t but she could and she did.

By the time we got home though she was quiet and moody. We cuddled in her room and talked about her feelings. Again I asked how she felt, was she ashamed she didn’t make it? Did she feel rejected? She said no, just happy, sad and disappointed.

Would she like to cry it out and let our her feels?

She cried. Boy, did she cry. She cried for 45 minutes. She kicked at her bed in frustration, clasped her hands around her head and sobbed. She threw her body around as if throwing out her sadness. She cried as if her heart was breaking.

Fatty and I watched her while she dealt with her feelings, our hearts soft and sad. How next time when she experiences her first breakup.

Finally she let everything out. She quietened, her sobs slowing, her head in my lap. She asked for her stuffed bee and hugged her toys.

Then she asked for ice cream.

Today two things happened.

One, Penny had her first audition. She didn’t make it but oh how she made us proud with her courage, her strength and her big heart.

Two, I learned what having children is really about. It’s about having your heart change. You experience a completely new way to love, and a new way of hurting. you wish you could tank everything for your kids, protect them from every sadness and force the world to love them. Because every hurt they feel, you feel as much if not more. But you cannot, you need to let them go and learn for themselves. And that’s the dichotomy of parenting.